My daughter is blessed with bright,clear and sparkling eyes. Sometimes, she’d see things before I could see them. One day she was really mad at me because I couldn’t see a dog in a painting that we hang in our house. She tried so hard to convinced me that there IS a dog in the painting – until I finally saw it – a tiny little white poodle in the corner of the painting. I could go on writing this kind of story, but I have another thoughts from Anjali and her eyes that I felt worth to note down.
“Ma, ada Ai di mata mama!” my daughter shouted excitedly while pointing at my eyes. This is her favorite line these past few months. She’s always thrilled to see her reflection in my eyes. I can’t really describe how I feel – overwhelmed with joy is probably appropriate - whenever she said this. When Anjali told me that she saw herself in my eyes, she was not just telling me about things she sees, but she’s also telling me that she has nothing to hide – that she felt secure with me. The gesture that she won’t be showing when she feels insecure of herself. She’d looked at me briefly-or even avoiding eye contact when she knew that she had disobeyed me, or just gazed at me when she needed my help, or approval, OR, she’d just ‘search’ for me to fulfill her needs – give her food when she was hungry, take her to her bed when she felt tired, read her a book when she wanted to hear a story, you name it.
The term ‘eyes’ is commonly used to symbolized the word ‘watch’ or ‘see’ which has more subtle meaning – referring to the person with the eyes, and not the one that sees his or her reflection in them. Occasionaly it is also used to indicate ‘truth’ as we can see if someone is telling the truth or not by looking at a person’s eyes. But all of these connotation almost always referring to the person with the eyes, the subject that actively ‘sees, watches, observes, gazes, or looks’ at other things as objects. When Anjali saw herself in my eyes, it’s like seeing herself at a mirror, she was being the subject and yet she saw herself as an object – whic is the true meaning of self reflecting. I often say that I did some reflecting but I actually did not want to see myself as an object. This is what happens when Anjali just ‘look or stare’ at my eyes but would not see her reflection in them. I should put more effort to humble myself to be able to see myself as the object of my reflecting process.
Another comforting truth that I’ve learned from this is that when Anjali sees herself through me, we both are in a joyous state as a result of a secured relationship. Nothing to hide, both the subject and the object feels the comfort of communicating and just being honest with each other. We usually sit down and talk about several things before Anjali told me about seeing herself in my eyes. This made me think of my relationship with my Creator. What a delightful moment it is when we could see our reflection through His eyes, not just ‘search’ for Him when we need Him, or gaze at Him for His approval. How sad it is if we just wanted to ‘look or stare’ at His eyes but could not see our reflections in them. I already knew that He would shield and care for me, that He guarded me as the apple of His eye, but now I also long to see myself in His eyes, and vice versa, as a sign of my absolute honesty – to be able to see myself through His eyes.
